- 1 Marriage is important we need to make the best of it and live a joyful life with our partner
- 1.1 Communication may be the key
- 1.2 Stress is a part of life, and we need to understand it in our marriage and have patience with our partner
- 1.3 Love and respect your partner but retain your individuality
- 1.4 Retaining the chemistry with your partner
- 1.5 An article from Psych Central gives some steps on marriage counselling:
Marriage is important we need to make the best of it and live a joyful life with our partner
Couples who are preparing to attend classes for the marriage/wedding counselling have got a lot they have to bear in mind if indeed they want the classes to be fruitful. Listed below is some basic advice which can sound common however they definitely will assist you a whole lot if followed diligently.
Communication may be the key
Providers of marriage counselling think that communication is the key to resolving any issues. Whether it is an honest misunderstanding with colleagues at the job or it is a grave concern in your marriage, discussing it always helps.
Even though you are with the marriage counsellor, it is crucial that you communicate openly with no hesitation and talk about all of the issues that frustrate you in your marriage relationship. This is the only way you may resolve these nagging complications. If you do not discuss your complications, it would only result in more problems later on, and it is certainly not healthy and enjoyable for your relationship.
Stress is a part of life, and we need to understand it in our marriage and have patience with our partner
In today’s world stress has become a big part of life as we face stress in various walks of our lives, be it a relationship, work or relations with others. However, particularly when it involves marriage, there is a tremendous amount of weight as relationships bring about a whole lot of adjustments in the manner we look at existence.
Things you could do when you were solitary would no longer be possible or suitable after you are married and the earlier you acknowledge it and make peace with it the better it is for your relationship.
Raising a family also brings in many problems as it is very demanding with regards to time, feelings and even money. However, when you acknowledge these adjustments and speak to your partner about it, you will be surprised to know that you can to handle these adjustments in a positive and rewarding way so when you do that, you solidify the building blocks of your marriage.
Love and respect your partner but retain your individuality
Being married will not mean you need to spend every little moment you will ever have together. As a specific, it is vital that you still pursue actions that you are thinking about even if your partner might not be thinking about them.
Time apart helps for lovers, whether wedded or not; by the end of the day we are individuals and also have different requirements and preferences. So take the time to pursue actions that you would like to do and don’t drag your partner along with you.
Retaining the chemistry with your partner
Once you are married for a couple of years, you will recognize that the spark that you distributed to your partner before you were married no more remains.
You might believe that you are no more attracted to your partner physically, or even emotionally or intellectually. Couples often feel that this is a caution bell and that there surely is something amiss with their relationships.
Not so, for much of anything in life, once you relax into a routine, it is up to you to shake up things in your life when they start getting dull. Never hesitate to test different things, meet people, adventure vacations or excursions and become familiar with your partner yet again.
Marriage counselling is an excellent service we provide to increase the happiness of partners in a relationship.
An article from Psych Central gives some steps on marriage counselling:
1. Communication has become negative.
Once communication has deteriorated, often it is hard to get it going back in the right direction. Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling depressed, insecure, disregarded, or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. This can also include the tone of the conversation. It is important to remember that it is not always what you say, but how you say it.
Negative communication can also include any communication that not only leads to hurt feelings but emotional or physical abuse, as well as nonverbal communication.
2. When one or both partners consider having an affair, or one partner has had an affair.
Recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it takes much work. It takes commitment and a willingness to forgive and move forward. There is no magic formula for recovering from an affair. However, if both individuals are committed to the therapy process and are being honest, the marriage may be salvaged. At the very least, it may be determined that it is healthier for both individuals to move on.
3. When the couple seems to be “just occupying the same space.”
When couples become more like roommates than a married couple, this may indicate a need for counselling. This does not mean if the couple is not doing everything together they are in trouble. If there is a lack of communication, conversation and intimacy or any other elements the couple feels are important, and they feel they just “co-exist,” this may be an indication that a skilled clinician can help sort out what is missing and how to get it back.
4. When the partners do not know how to resolve their differences.
I remember watching GI Joe as a kid. Every show ended with the phrase “now you know, and knowing is half the battle.” For me, that phrase comes to mind with this situation. When a couple begins to experience discord, and they are aware of the discord, knowing is only half the battle. Many times I have heard couples say, “We know what’s wrong, but we just don’t know how to fix it.”. This is a perfect time to get a third party involved. If a couple is stuck, a skilled clinician may be able to get them moving in the right direction.
5. When one partner begins to act out on negative feelings.
I believe what we feel on the inside shows on the outside. Even if we can mask these feelings for a while, they are bound to surface. Negative feelings such as resentment or disappointment can turn into hurtful, sometimes harmful behaviours. I can recall a couple where the wife was very hurt by her husband’s indiscretions. Although she agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out, she became very spiteful. The wife would purposefully do things to make her husband think she was unfaithful even though she was not. She wanted her husband to feel the same pain she felt, which was counterproductive. A skilled clinician can help the couple sort out negative feelings and find better ways to express them.
6. When the only resolution appears to be separation.
When a couple disagrees or argues, a break often is very helpful. However, when a timeout turns into an overnight stay away from home or eventually leads to a temporary separation, this may indicate a need for counselling. Spending time away from home does not usually resolve the situation. Instead, it reinforces the thought that time away is helpful, often leading to more absences. When the absent partner returns, the problem is still there, but often avoided because time has passed.
7. When a couple is staying together for the sake of the children.
If a couple feels it is wise to stay together for the sake of the children, it may help to involve an objective third party. Often couples believe that they are doing the right thing when staying together actually is detrimental to the children. On the contrary, if the couple can resolve the issue and move toward a positive, healthy relationship, this may be the best decision for all involved.
In my opinion, children should never be the deciding factor when couples are determining whether to stay together. I recall working with an adolescent who was having trouble in school. She was acting out, and her grades were declining. After a few sessions, she stated, “I know my parents do not like each other.” When I asked her why, she replied, “They are nice to each other, but they never smile or laugh like my friends’ parents.”
Children are very intuitive and intelligent. No matter how couples may think they can fake their happiness, most children can tell.
All marriages are not salvageable. In the process of marriage counselling, some couples may discover it is healthier for them to be apart. However, for those relationships that can be salvaged, and for those couples willing to commit to the process, marriage counselling may be able to remind them why they fell in love and keep them that way.